Time after time, we
hear of issues that cause breakdown of family relationships, amongst these factors is
divorce. In Indonesia where I live, the rate and percentage of Divorce cases
between husband-wife in the present day has become one of the major worries in
the society. Divorce always carries a
great inner effect to the family though not all divorce carries negative
effects. Islam puts clear a number of Shari guidelines that have to be followed
in order to overcome the problem of divorce and hence forth create harmony
amongst married individuals. Here below are some of the Shari solutions that
inshya Allah can act as remedies to the high rates of divorce in the society.
UNDERTAKING
THE AIM AND THE FOUNDATION OF CREATING A FAMILY.
As a fact that it’s an
act of worship, marriage carries a number of important goals. Understanding
these goals is very important in helping Muslims to live a settled marriage.
The goals of marriage that Islam lays clear are all aimed at attaining mawaddah
(affection) and mercy. Thus create a relationship full of mutual love and
peaceful hearts (sakinah) (Quran ar-Rum (30):21); continue the journey of
creation thus by baring children and avoiding sin; strengthening the spirit of
brotherhood; as a form of Da’awah; and also aim at attaining blessings from
Allah. If the goals of marriage are clearly understood, inshya Allah it will be
easy to attain a peaceful marriage, that’s free from un-ending conflicts.
Understanding the goal and aim of marriage will truly act as a pillar for a
strong marriage.
Understanding the
Rights and Duties of both parties.
Islam considers
marriage as a very big agreement (mitsaq {an} ghalidza) (Qur’an An Nisa’ {4}:21)
which requires each individual who is a party of it to fulfil its rights and
duties. Islam clearly describes the rights and duties of a Husband and wife,
parents and children, and also the relationship between other families. Islam
considers every member of a family as a leader under their specified position.
It’s narrated that the prophet once said;
كلكم راع فمسعول عن رعيته والرجل
راع علي اهل بيته وهومسعول عنهم والمراة راعيةعلي بيت بعلهاوولده وهي مسعولةعنهم
Each and every one of
you is a leader who will one day be asked to be accountable for the trust Allah
has bestowed upon him. A husband is responsible for the family’s well being.
The wife’s responsibility is the state of the house and the children as well as
the husband and she will be held accountable for all this trust.”(HR Bukhari
and Muslim).
Marriage in Islam is
not basically measured on worldly intensions but also on the hereafter. In fact
one may say that marriage should be weighed as a good deed where an individual
is blessed with the opportunity to draw many rewards from Allah within each
individual’s respective position by taking care of their respective rights and
duties to the best of their abilities. In families where rights and duties for
example provision of sustenance, education or even protection are taken care of
to the best, surely it will be easy to solve issues that may arise in the
family or even those that may cause divorce since most divorce cases are as a
result of negligence of rights and duties within the family.
Holding on to the
function/principals of the Family.
Islam teaches various
principals of justice that are important in a family. Islam also puts the
religious principal (worship and good deeds) as the number one most important
function in a family or home. From this function, a family can be able to
sustain all other functions such as reproduction, education, protection and
affection. The economic, social and recreation functions will raise on their
own if the functions here above are controlled and implemented to the best.
Each and every Muslim
family is like a Masjid (mosque) of its own which gives Islamic lifestyle
experience to its branches, as a “Madrasah’’ (institute) that teaches the norms
of Islam, as a wall/block that protects its units from various effects both
physical and non physical, and as a hospital that checks on the physical as
well as the psychological well being of its units. Whenever these functions do
not operate smoothly for example only the reproduction function is active but
not the case with the education function, very soon or later such a family will
head for divorce.
A feeling of Happiness
within the Family
A peaceful family is
one which is based on the six fundamental pillars of happiness which are as a
result of hard work from both partners-husband & wife in order to fulfil
all the rights and duties of a family be it personal obligations or joint
obligations. By the six pillars of happiness, I meant financial happiness,
sexual happiness, intellectual happiness, moral happiness, spiritual happiness
and ideological happiness. It’s very clear on how Allah and the prophet (peace
be upon him) guided us on how to attain such happiness.
Which among these six
pillars of happiness is meant to be first? This all depends on the perception
and mutual understanding of both partners thus husband and wife. The prophet’s
family was built on pillars of religious struggle. Such is a clear example of a
family built on ideological happiness. Though according to various narrations,
the prophet too ably met his family’s intellectual, moral, spiritual and also
sexual happiness. Financially, the prophet lived a normal life but who knows,
his family too might have achieved financial happiness. It should be understood
that financial happiness cannot be weighed by how much wealth we poses but the
feeling of sustainability towards all which Allah has blessed us with. If the
above feelings of happiness are not felt within the family, divorce will always
be just a matter of time.
Conclusion;
Patience is with no
doubt the first thing that has to be involved whenever trouble arises in the family. Islam
commands the husband and wife to interact in the best way and also puts it as advice
that both married partners must have patience towards the shortcomings of each
other as fact that one may be worse in one aspect but best in another
وعاشروهن بالمعرف فان كرهتموهن فعس ان
تكرهواشيعاويجعل الله فيه خيراكثيرا
…and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be
that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.
(Quran An-Nisa [4]:19)
At the time of marriage, many yet to be wives have expectations
that their marriage life will be a true heaven on earth, full of happiness and
sublime. But sometimes the reality is not the same as their expectations. Sometimes
it turns out that the nature of their husbands is not as good as they thought. Or
even as time goes by, the attitude of the husband towards the wife keeps
worsening.harsh,rude,egoistic, hot tempered, not romantic, not responsible, ,likes
hitting, has got no time to communicate with the wife, and many other bad characteristics
tend to show within him. In the end, one begins to regret as to why she
accepted his marriage proposal. This is escorted with that inner felt unsaid feeling
within the heart: “How I Wish I Never
Married Him’’